Saturday, May 30, 2009

Seems Shady...

So I walk out to the parking ramp when leaving work the other night and I have this stuck to my side mirror-



Now, WTF? I mean, do I want to earn 800-1,000 extra dolares a month? Duh.

Do I want to call some dude named Shawn who had the balls to go around a parking ramp of a private hospital and stick these little notes all over everyone's car, but doesn't give any clue to what kind of work he wants you to do? No.

For all I know, I could be signing up to be a drug mule, prostitute, rape victim, sideshow exhibit, scientific experiment, or star of a porno. What makes one think it's okay not to put the name of your "company" on a flyer looking for employees?

I don't get it.

L McP

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Farewell to Prison Party? For Real?



So, T.I. is going to prison for 366 days. I found this story on CNN and just had to share because it made me laugh.

Talk about loving yourself too much.

L McP

Friday, May 22, 2009

Bowling for Kanye

Shan's bro, Casey was in town for a couple days and so we all (Shan, Nora, Casey & I) decided to go bowling yesterday. After some comida mexicana we headed to the bowling alley and I decided I was going to wear the Kanye stunna shades the entire time we were bowling.

Now you would think that this would prevent me from doing very well, but I actually played better than I ever have at bowling. Previous to this, my PR was around 120. The first game I scored a 129- WHOA! Then I had a 2nd beer and scored a 150 (!!!!) the 2nd game. Holy. Shit. Who am I?

The third game I didn't do so hot, I only scored a 114. But Nora, that girl lit the alley UP the 3rd game! Her first two games totaled a whopping 189. The final score of her 3rd game? 181. What a rock star!
Check it-


Here's a pic of the three of us


-L McP

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

LOL!




So there are some crazy Texans that want to secede from the United States. This makes me LOL. They even have a website, blog, and lots and lots of shit to buy, such as the apron above.

I say... good riddens. You can keep your Bush family, over-sized diesel trucks used just for show, oil.. stuff?, rodeos, stupid accents, and any other ridiculous Texas type thing you can think of.

Can we keep Galveston, though? It's pretty there, and they don't have a southern drawl.

Friday, May 15, 2009

The best $1.06 I've ever spent.




Kanye and Lady Gaga ain't got nothin' on me.

Shutter Shades.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

My Birthday is coming up.... hint... hint...

So my birthday is coming up. I though I should share with you a list of things I want. It's in about 2 1/2 weeks. So I think you all have enough time to get these things for me.

#1.



If you don't remember, I wanted this car for a rental when the Subaru (lez-mobile) was in the shop getting some body work done. I ended up with a Mazda 5 mini-van instead. Please refer to this link if you don't remember. Well I've decided that a rental just isn't good enough, I would please like this car to drive all the time.

#2.



I want the balloon of course. What is a birthday without birthday balloons? If this man is attached to the balloon it would probably be okay if you brought him along as well. I'm sure I could figure out somewhere to put him.

#3.



(Ali, I know how much you love these. I have also had a slight obsession with them since I was about 4. I'll share if someone gets me one.) I don't want the picture, I want the actual unicorn. It would be greatly appreciated if you threw in a saddle or something. I am not an avid rider and would probably fall off bareback.

#4.



No, don't get me Robert Pattinson. I want the real thing- Edward Cullen, glittery vampire skin and all.

# 5. A Butler

I need someone that will answer my door, and do some cooking and cleaning around the house. If he looks like the man above holding the balloon, that would be perfect. No clothing required.

#6.



What girl doesn't want a shopping spree for her birthday? Stacy and Clinton would be the perfect shopping partners! Included with this should be a $5,000 Visa card.

#7.



The house doesn't have to be this exact one, I'm not even sure if this one has a pool or not.

And last but certainly not least....

#8.



I don't want Kanye West as "mine" per say. I just want him to throw me a kickass birthday party at my new house. I hear his parties are pretty baller, and I'd like one for myself.

Oh, if someone could get me an ice cream cake from Culver's that would be pretty sweet too.

Kthxbye,

L McP


(DISCLAIMER: Not to be taken seriously, obviously. Well, except for the cake maybe. I do love ice cream cake.)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Research: Napoleon Dynamite & ping pong.


(I had to use this picture because I love my macbook.)

So, I had an online assignment due at midnight tonight. I just turned it in at 12:02. I think they will live. It only took me about an hour to do and I got out of clinical around 3:30 this afternoon. (I'm a nursing student if you weren't aware) So, what important things was I doing that it took me 8 1/2 hours to do an hour's worth of homework? Well, I'll tell you.

First I took Harper for a walk. Then I ate supper (Yes, at around 4:30- I was hungry) Then I gave Harper a bath, which requires blow drying and woo-ing, followed with lots of treats. So, that took a while. He smells of Biolage conditioner and clean puppy now. =) Then I decided that I didn't eat enough for supper and was going to murder anyone who got in the way of me and some chocolate. To save myself some prison time, Harper and I took a trip to the local Kum n' Go and I got a 3 Muskateers bar.

After coming home and eating my much needed chocolate I finally started on my assignment. Almost immediately after Shan (one of my roomies) came home. She stated that there was a man collecting cans outside and we had two trashbags full in our dining room. It only seemed fair to make his day and give him two full bags of cans that he didn't have to dig through trash receptacles for. Shan and I are good Samaritans.

By this time it was about 7:30, I put some Crest White Strips on and watched the remainder of NCIS. (I also stared at my computer pretending to do the aformentioned assignment.) At 8:00 we watched The Mentalist because Patrick Jane is the cutest character ever.

During a commercial I asked Shan how she felt about ping-pong. We both decided it was an excellent idea and headed over to our clubhouse around 9. This is where the research begins.

We're pretty awesome at ping-ping and at one point got tired of playing with our dominant hand. I mean, no boundaries ping-pong does get boring after a while. We both then switched to our non-dominant hands (left for both of us). It was pretty brutal right at first, but eventually we got the hang of it and were almost as good left handed as were right handed. So, not only are we good sumaritans, but we're also stellar ambidextrous ping-pong players. Challenge us, I dare you.

After an hour of playing ping pong we were exhausted of course. I believe were were more mentally exhausted than anything as ping-pong takes a lot of concentration, especially when you're as good at it as we are. When we came back I was just famished from the events that had recently occured. I threw a bag of 94% fat-free Hy-Vee popcorn in the microwave and went to look for my roommate. She was sitting on the floor staring at her water bottle. Her eyes were a bit glazed over as I'm sure she was just as exhausted as I was. She then asked me if I wanted to watch Napoleon. Perfect! I had already started popcorn! We started the movie and I continued to piddle around with my assignment. About halfway through we began to ponder what the hell time period this movie is set in. Here is what we have concluded:


(Skip to here if you want the "meat" of this post)
Through evidence-based research including life experiences and some internet sites, we have determined that Napoleon Dynamite takes place in 1994. We have based this off of many observations.
#1- The movie takes place in a small town in... Idaho or something. I believe the town is called Preston. I went to high school in a small town, and we were always a little behind with the times. I was "cool" and "rich" because I had lived in Des Moines until I was 12, and my parents had 3 cars, none of which were more than 10 years old. The movie seems to take place in a town that's even more remote than my small town was. Therefore, it is easily deduced that they could be 5 or more years behind mainstream culture. IE- wearing clothes from the 80's and listening to music from the 80's (we think)

#2. Uncle Rico. (A) he owns a 1982 dodge Santana campervan (Wikipedia will say it is a 1975 Santana campervan, but I have found many sources that say it is in fact a 1982) The van is older, and not shiny, and Uncle Rico does not make enough money to buy brand new car. We think he may have obtained the van as a graduation present in 1982. He is also constantly referring to "back in 82'" This goes with point (B) that he is stuck in 1982. We can see this by his obsession with his football days (probably was okay in high school) If he did in fact graduate in 1982 it would make sense that he would drive a 1982 campervan and wear clothes from the early 80's. Like I said "back in 82'" (or rather, Uncle Rico says) (C) We think he looks about 30. If the movie does take place in 1994, and he was 18 in 1982 when he graduated high school, 12 years makes 30. It's science.

#3. The bracelets Deb makes were cool when I was in elementary school. (I was in 4th grade in 1994)

#4. LaFawnDuh and Kip. She dresses him in attire that was cool in the 90's (for some cultures): du-rags and chains make me think of Ludacris. She is from a big city (i'm assuming) therefore, her clothing attire and overall style should be more progressive than the people of Preston, Idaho.

So, as you can see we have ample evidence to back up our case that Napoleon Dynamite is set in 1994, the era of "trapper binders and rollerblades".

L McP

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!!!





I hope your mom is as cool as mine! =)

L McP

Monday, May 4, 2009

Rental Car= Bi-sex-mobile.

So, when I was making my appointment to get my Subaru Legacy Wagon (aka lez-mobile) (She got hit while parked by an old fellow) fixed, I asked Car-Guy Steve what kind of rental car I would get. The conversation went something like this:

Me- "So, Steve. What kind of rental car do you think they'll give me?"

Car-Guy Steve- "Oh, ya know probably a Corvette or a Porche."

Me- "Oh DAMN! I was hoping for a BMW!" Such as the one pictured below....





What did I ACTUALLY get? A Mazda 5.




One number short of cool (Mazda 6), and I'm driving a mini van for a week. It's a little deceiving, though. From some angles you would think this was an SUV. It's a little more raw and rugged than most mini-vans. When my dad saw it he determined that this car was "Bi-sexual". A little SUV and some mini-van all mixed into one with some balls in the engine. Sounds cool, right? Not really. I'm driving a mini-van. I swore to myself years ago that I would never have more than 3 children because I refused to ever drive a mini-van. I am not a soccer mom. I'm actually not even a mom, unless you include Harper. And I don't understand soccer.

There is one really cool thing about this car. (As you'll see, I'm very easily entertained) It has a switch-blade-key. For real. Look!


Nuff' Said.

L McP